For some reason, I tend to wax philosophical at night. This drives my husband crazy, as it means that my let's-talk-about-this-in-depth moods come on at his it's-dark-outside-and-the-bed-is-so-comfy times. So, in an effort to preserve marital bliss, I'm blogging about my current obsession instead.
I do not use the term "obsession" lightly. I have a tendency, which has been known to be carried to a fault, to grasp hold of an idea and gnaw at it until I have resolved it in some fashion. This can be anything from what to make for dinner to whether or not we should move to China (you know how that one turned out).
Something I have been thinking about here lately is independence. And indulgence. For example, when we were called to China, we considered two things first.
1. Is this where God wants us.
2. Is this best for our family (meaning me, Justin, and Connor).
You note that this list is very short. There were people who were not happy about us moving around the world. People like family who, although they understand the Work we do, miss us. Obviously, we miss them too, but we basically had to say that's too bad. We had to satisfy the top two priorities first. For the first, we put out fleece and got an obvious YES. I'll have to tell you that story another time. For the second, it was an obvious yes also -- Justin's job at the time was very time-intensive and stressful, and we have a stronger family bond now because we are spending more time together.
Now, here's where it gets tricky. What should come after question number two? Should it go:
3. What makes me happy
or
3. How other people perceive this decision
????
Because, for me, this gets into a complicated issue. Is it more important to play on others' wants/desires/perceptions or your own? Is it right to indulge yourself or not? Say, for example, you've always wanted to play the harmonica for a living. Other people would think it odd. Perhaps your family disapproves. Is it wrong to want to do a harmless thing because it makes you happy, even if others dislike your decision? Say all your family and friends love to eat beef and you become a vegetarian. This could be a hassle for them when you eat together. Say all your family lives in Maryland and you're just itching to move to Oregon. This might upset some of them. Is it wrong to indulge yourself? To, in situations that are purely based on personal preference and not Scripture, do what you want?
In our culture, we say that we applaud the person who walks to the beat of their own drum, who thinks outside the box, who dreams big. Speaking as someone who is a tad offbeat, I would have to disagree. We are not so different from the Chinese, who expect everyone in their society to conform. I have made some decisions in my life thus far that are different from most people I know. Not bad (honestly, I really do think they aren't bad) just different. And I think that the normal reaction to something different is suspicion. Why did this person do that? What were they thinking? I don't want that; why would they?
We were created as individuals. We all have different joys in life. Justin, for example, wants to go skydiving someday. I am doing my best to postpone that day (told him only if I go with him - ha!). He would also enjoy white-water rafting. I have vivid images of being trapped in a watery grave. He would love to fly planes. I would kill everyone on board before we got off the ground.
I don't judge him for his joys. I support them, as long as they don't end with me as a widow. Video games, for example. So why is it that I feel guilty for indulging in mine? If it makes me happy to stand on a street corner with a big floppy red hat on my head and belt out show tunes, so what? Should I be so concerned with other people's perceptions that I let it stop me from doing something that gives me joy? Our automatic answer is, of course, no. As long as it's not un-Christ-like, go for it.
But if you saw me in my big red hat on the corner of Main Street belting "Don't Cry for Me Argentina", wouldn't you judge me?
Sigh. This is the danger of late-night blogging. Now I'm too fuzzy to be sure if I got my point across or not. I think that many of you who read this, because you are my friends, would hop out of your car and sing the harmony. I hope so. And I hope I would do that for you, too.
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